It’s 4am. My body is going to kill me tomorrow during Cardio Circuit, but it will be worth it. Candice’s body will keep me focused. Like seriously. She’s the sexiest woman alive. And I normally don’t even think blondes are the prettiest. But she wins. Hands over.
I can’t help but feel unmotivated and motivated both at the same time. These girls have the perfect body, but specially the perfect presence. I dream of one day walk the earth as fiercely as they do. Gotta work on that.
And so another week of Insanity begins. I clearly work better under goal visualization mode than on pure healthy lifestyle enthusiasm. I need to feel confident mid January and even though I know I need more than a bikini body for that, I feel like that goal is keeping me on track. I will just need to keep focused on any given goal until I am able to change my mindset. I am working on that.
Another thing I need to start working today is to eat more times a day and less junk. Yesterday I ate a small ice cream and a few hard candy and even though I almost drowned on tea right after and before bed, that doesn’t mean I get to clean that up or to keep doing it. I need to cross that possibility from my life because I simply can’t afford it.
I feel even though my legs are exhausted mid-exercise that my upper body is getting stronger every day. I’ve been working on my core throughout the day, and not only when I am exercising and today I felt a great improvement in terms of arm strength. It has been hard, specially to adjust my eating habits, but I am definitely feeling improved. Getting through the first week is the most important and difficult part. After that your brain just quits on trying to make you stop and goes with the flow.
Keep focused and keep trying.
Just finished Yoga X from P90X. I gotta say that it was hard, but I still feel like Insanity is way harder. I feel like the few type of yoga poses Shaun T. makes us do while stretching are harder than the overall Yoga X video. Enough to say I feel like I got through 1 hour and a half of Yoga, and even though I feel accomplished at the same time I am not so sure I will endure another session like this. I was thinking on adding Yoga X every Sunday, since I really want to add Yoga besides Insanity, but I’ve found Yoga X to be really repetitive (even though I can understand it is quite necessary for anyone to be able to excel at it sooner than later) and even though I felt my muscles, bones and overall posture battling I didn’t felt like it was too hard (even though some things I couldn’t even do). I much prefer doing something shorter but more intense. I need to search for good Yoga videos. But I am happy I was able to finish it and I feel I worked muscles that Insanity does not work (if that’s even possible), or at least in different ways. I am so aware of body now and it is a wonderful feeling. I feel like my back is breathing, if that makes any sense, and I even feel taller! So I will definitely want to add Yoga every sunday, I just need to pick a video!
Insanity kicked my ass today. It has been harder this time than the 1st round. I need to clean my eating routine and fix my sleeping one too. Tomorrow is rest day but I feel like doing something since I just ate crap today. I am gathering strength to start drinking two protein shakes per day to get what I need and avoid having two big meals. I need to start eating more often throughout the day too. Sleeping and eating are so important and I’ve been doing them all wrong. That is the number one cause of my soreness and lack of energy. And need fixing asap. Tomorrow I might do some yoga. Yup. Goodnight.
Even though I sucked at today’s workout, I really enjoyed Cardio Recovery. I’ve been really sore this time doing Insanity, and I feel like today contributed greatly to ease that soreness for the next few days. Even though I sucked. I stopped several times, I am pretty sure that my form was criminally wrong at times, and I clearly forgot to lock my core until the last 7 minutes, when Shaun T. reminded me of just that in his way too sexy voice. It was tough but I finished it. So, major win.
Hey Shaun T stop smiling. You’re not the only one wearing a sexy sweaty body around here.
Protein Shake, half an hour digestion and Insanity day 3. Starting today I am checking on my eating routine tightly, water intake and sleeping routine. I am setting a weight goal by Christmas, even though I normally don’t believe in numbers but in volume. Still, by December 25th I will have lost 3kg. No joking.
Well hello Shaun T. I will always have a love-hate relationship with you. Apologies.
This is just the beginning. I just wanted to let it be recorded properly (other than only in my mind) and to show others I am the absolute perfect example of how long it takes to build something and how just a few seconds it’s all it takes to completely destroy it.
Last year I got the opportunity of showing myself that no matter how weak you think you are that’s just bullshit and that you have it in you to change ANYTHING. I mean, I’ve never been overweight, but as I told you in here last year, I’ve always struggled with my image, even if I am always trying to pretend I am more than ok with it. Well, to not be completely negatively judgmental I have times when I can be ok with my image, but honesty would hit me for lying if I said I ever loved myself at 100%. I love my mind and who I am inside and I feel the person I’ve been, the clothes I’ve been using (the same ones) for the last 10 years and who I see staring at me in the mirror is not me. It’s not. It’s something my laziness created and it’s something that my laziness embraced. But it is not me. And all would be alright if I could live at 200% with it. But I can’t. It stops me for doing the most simple things, it makes not to want to go out and as silly as it seems it makes me unable to live as a proper human being. And while I know that is simply unacceptable and ridiculous I do just that, and I once more embrace the stupidity like it’ is a part of me.
So last year, somehow, I said ENOUGH. I’ve built a person I never thought existed and to be able to run for 1 hour straight plus 2 more hours of exercise, is something that even today still shocks me, because I’ve always been the kind of person to excel at sports but to never be able to run longer than 10 minutes. Yup, that was me. I was so content with my appearance and the way I was feeling completely unbeaten, and then when I realized 4 months had passed and I was back to stage 0 - climbing a few stair steps and feeling like dying. And then it came to me that it takes too much work to reach a level, and nothing to destroy it. And that was my theme for the next few months. That it was simply not worth it. I’ve gained 8 horrible kg and even though I think most people won’t even notice it has impacted my life in absolutely horrible ways.
So I’ve been gathering strength to focus on doing it all again. Because you know what? It takes long, it takes struggling with who you are and focusing hard on what you want to become, but even in fear of sounding like everybody else, it is fucking worth it. Because they are so right. Sometimes, the best lessons are truly mainstream for a reason. The hardest part is to keep focused and keep on working it, because it truly is a lifetime job to keep your body healthy, because it is your best tool to conquer your dreams - and they need fixing and updating and work.
I finished the Insanity Fit Test a few hours. I am ashamed of my results and I was about to pass out after the 4th exercise. But I sat on the floor, grabbed a banana, and focused on my breathing and without stopping the video, I awaited them to finish the 5th and on the 6th I restarted. I did awfully but at least I finished it.
My results are these (compared to last year’s first fit test in between brackets):
Switch kicks: 95 (90)
Power Jacks: 42 (38)
Power Knees: 70 (95)
Power Jumps: 28 (25)
Globe Jumps: I stopped to get myself back together - so 0 (8)
Suicide Jumps: 13 (13)
(Modified) Push-up Jacks: 18 (15)
Low Plank Oblique: 43 (35)
It wasn’t that bad, but I am well aware my form wasn’t the most correct this time. I was focusing too much on being able to get through it instead of doing most of them perfectly. At least I survived to tell the story. Insanity I’ll break you this time too!
I need to stop being a coward.
Fit test is over and I couldn’t feel any sicker. So disappointed to realize what a whole year of laziness can do to your body.
Insanity here I go.
So, I am so ashamed that no words will do more than “Plyometric Cardio Circuit Tomorrow”. Goodnight.
I just came to the realization I do hate my body but not its potential. I do hate the way I ignore the mirrors when I am fully undressed, or the way I pretend the body its not my own when I take a shower. And this happens every single day of my week. Every single hour of the 24 on a day. And it never gets easier or better. But it did last year. When I finished one full round of Insanity, and then started another adding 30DS and Brazilian But Lift. When I was feeling at last one with my own body, because I could control it at all times. And I knew it inside out. Today I look back and feel sorry for myself. It seems like ages ago, and sometimes it can also feel like it was another life and not my own at all.
In 2 weeks I must have dropped 3kg and a whole lot of volume. Tomorrow I am working all day but I will go for a run once I get home. I will also restart insanity on monday. No promises this time. Tired of fucking empty promises. I just will.